To always be grateful

oh hello. If you still randomly checking out this crap blog.


Just feel like jotting down how's my life recently.
I have been assigned to lead a project in my company recently. No doubt I had taking in charged of many events and activities in my company along the years, regardless it was a big event or a small function.
I have always enjoyed doing all these things like gather all the information and people, arrange all the logistic flows etc etc.
Most of the works that I need to prepare for an event were mostly hands on thing, very seldom that i will need to do the paperwork for the event. That's why I enjoyed doing all these stuff as i like to get my hand dirty. (pun intended)

BUT this particular project that has been assigned to me recently require a lot of planning and strategy brainstorming. I have to plan the whole checklist from scratch, leading conversation with agencies, sourcing my own team members, governance the project team and make decision and convince it to my superior. Above all, the project timeline is so short, everything will need to go with a rushing mode. (oh well.... i still blogging here fml)

Deep down my heart i know this would be the opportunity to stand out and prove to people up there i can do it. However, after gone thru the first stage of the project. I really i was really not good enough to do all these things.

Strategy planning is really not my forte.
Leading a conversation with a bunch of professionalism made me feel like I am dumb.
Governance a project team needs a lot of leadership skills while all the times, i have used to be a part of the team members under the governance of the project lead.
And honestly speaking ,communicate fluently in English is still a challenge to me even tho i came from a communication background.

I was too used to stay in my comfort zone and doing things that i good at and avoiding from doing things that might show my weakness to the public. I was and am too scared. 

All these challenges made me feel so upset and disappointing to myself. Even tho after a almost 3 years working experience i still have yet to able to stand out and portray my leadership skills in any level.
I am a low-self esteem person and i always be.

So i started to blame things, blame people, blame everything but ME. and i realized that in one of the night before i fell asleep. Le sigh...

I still remember last year, around this time i was so full of positive energy. I see positive side in every obstacle that i was facing in my works during that time. I was positive that things gonna turn up great if i continue to keep going with this positive mindset. And yes, it did. I appreciate and grateful for every little things that happened to me. I WAS HAPPY EVERY DAY. and i really feel it deep down in my heart that I am living life in a right way! because i truly believe the law of attractions. IT REALLY WORKS.

I want to become that "ME" again.

So, instead of blaming things and thinking i am a lousy person, I start to count on the positive things.

I am grateful to be giving this opportunity to learn new things.
I am grateful to be able to brush up my leadership skills thru this project, even if i need to fall down many times, i promise to stand up and continue walking.
I am grateful that even i cant converse very very fluently in English like my colleagues, they didn't laugh at me.
I am grateful that many people willing to help me if i ask for help.
I am grateful that yesterday, one of my closest colleagues gave me her best advice to me during lunch.
I am grateful that even if I feel so upset in office, when is off working hours, i still can go back home, seeing my parents, playing with baby and laying on my own bed and sleep without worrying about the works.

I am grateful that i am that type of person who able to switch off the working mode and really enjoy my off time as my off time. I am grateful that i am NOT A WORKAHOLIC! 所有工作的事就留给工作时的时间去烦吧!! haha.. does this sound weird?


I am grateful for all the things above. and I thanks to MYSELF for able to realize that this is just part of the process to become a better person and I thanks MYSELF for willing to change my mindset and looking things differently in a positive way.